Nerd? Then you’re just my ‘Type’!
- Chiteisri
- Jun 21, 2023
- 8 min read
A serendipitous awakening after a mundane day at work made me realise that we do not give nerds enough credit. Here is an essay all about words, emotions, and embracing my inner-nerd!
Something happened to me recently, which left me with a feeling – and for once, I do not have the words to accurately describe that emotion.
Anyone who knows me, even vaguely, or has read anything I have ever written might understand that I am not used to being at a loss for words.
Being able to express myself, through speech or writing, is vital to my state of being.
It is also what I do professionally, so when words fail me – I find myself spiralling into a dark web of skittishness. On a good day that could imply excitement or a renewed sense of purpose, even as I look it up online. But on the not-so-good days, it could morph into impostor syndrome where I question whether I am, actually a writer.
On that day, it was a weird combination of both those moods, juxtaposed. That I could not describe an emotion precisely, left me flummoxed and yet elated.
It left me wondering:
Could it be that there are emotions that are undefined?
Or, are there feelings which are familiar, but we simply do not have the vocabulary for them as yet?
Or, the feelings and emotions are all there and so is the word, but it isn’t common parlance yet and now suddenly, I just need it to be so?!
Let me tell you exactly what happened.
Since January, 2023 – I have been employed on a part-time basis. The role requires my being stationed at an office at least once a week, understanding the core values and mission of the non-profit, and reacquainting myself with concepts like ‘team’, ‘strategy’ and ‘deliverables’.
Earning some steady income, having a mandated structure to my daily routine, and meeting some very earnest people via this organisation, has been the added bonus that comes with working at a “real office” once again. Furthermore, the work requires me to write a lot, research things and then analyse them – all things that I like to do, and know that I am capable of undertaking along the way.
Honestly, the only challenge has been at a personal level - in figuring out how to balance the job, my varied interests (this blog being one of them), staying true and healthy, and remaining a somewhat functional adult through it all.
And then, last month, something happened that was unprecedented.
I was doing the work that was expected of me, and through various brainstorming sessions with the Communications team – figured that there was something I could contribute for the larger organisation, but that would require broader conceptualisation and my writing it from scratch.
One might call it a pet project– but upon sharing the thought, it was well-received and I was then permitted to follow-through.
One idea and write-up lead to another thought, and then into another idea and another, and suddenly – I found myself diving into the deep end of a whole new topic for me – Typography.
--> What is Typography?
To quote an illustrious graphic designer, Mia Cinelli it is “the visual arrangement of designed letters or ‘type’ in space.” In her TEDx Talk about the Power of Typography, she draws a parallel of how an insight into typography can be quite like “gaining a superpower.”
When I watched that video for the first time that day, a passing thought was – ‘now that might be an exaggeration!’ But it is an entire month later, and having unconsciously gained this perspective about Typography since, I must acknowledge that I completely agree with that remark.
The world around me has changed.
Often, ‘Typeface’ and ‘Fonts’ are terms used interchangeably – but there is a slight difference between those two terms. I learned about that said difference. And then dove into the history and evolution of Type.
I also learned the science and rationale behind this evolution of printed matter and how fonts, in their own right, are a powerful medium of storytelling. There is a lot of applied psychology to fonts, and it was all perfectly digestible to me.
The very next day, I started gabbing away to my colleagues and sharing tidbits of this newly acquired information that had left me in an absolute state of wonder.
Perhaps several of them might have had serious doubts about my sanity, because I am usually a reticent and solemn worker. Seemingly, I had gained an entire new personality overnight, as I found myself walking up to someone I had barely spoken to as yet, and asking them about their font preferences. And would then proceed onto prattle about Fonts and Typeface for a solid ten more minutes.
After a close colleague kindly inquired after my well-being post this newfound obsession over Typeface, I found myself joking with her :
– “Well, instead of ‘Crazy Cat lady’, call me ‘Crazy Font Lady’ instead."
Thereafter, another colleague, Abhishek, chipped in – “Or your name in this office should be ‘Fonteshwari’ from now on!”
To which I resignedly quipped “Hmmm… my inner nerd - now a part of my name!? I kinda love it!”
In my defence, being wholly nerdy about Typeface seems rather logical to me –having studied Anthropology, there is a perpetual curiosity about everyday human phenomena.
A fellow researcher once told me that when all else fails, she describes anthropology to be “the study of everything that we take for granted!” And considering that my livelihood begins from sitting at a computer and having to type everyday – Typeface is that everyday phenomenon that I certainly took for granted.
Like Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, having stumbled upon this new body of knowledge – I cannot go back to looking at letters and shapes on paper in the same way ever again.
What ought to have been a few hours of work, became days…actually, weeks of my time spent willingly, consuming as much information as I could on Typography.
By my third day (which was three weeks later considering my once-a-week office day) of ‘talking fonts’ at the office –someone actually enquired as to how many years has it been, that I had been doing graphic design!
And that was a eureka moment.
It dawned upon me – that I became so utterly consumed by something – a newfound love even, that it seemed to others that I had mastered an actual skill.
Yes, the know-how of Typography was something I found personally engrossing, but that I could absorb it, retain it, and now communicate it to others, was literally, extraordinary.
Because, prior to that day, how often had it been that I had tried to become adept at some basic skills (such as cooking or finance), and found the endeavour to be futile?
Why do some tasks and things always feel like work?
And, how do I describe the pure joy I felt to have discovered ‘something new’ and found it to be so captivating, that absorbing it all no longer felt like work!
There had to be a word for this feeling.
For this near-primal glee that took over such that work no longer felt tedious, time seemed aplenty and my energy levels were at an all-time high to be more, and to do more.
This emotion felt like a something more than just joys or passion – it was complex, and was also, definitively, a rare feeling. Anyone who has been called “a nerd” for expressing the joy felt in discovery or their passion – must know this feeling and there’s got to be a word for it, right?
Well, thus far – I have not found the right word for it.
For that bundle of emotions and that gained insight, and the extraordinariness of that occurrence.
But not for the lack of trying.
Oddly, despite being at loss for words, it has in turn, become a quest. Which led me down another rabbit hole to find the right word, a single word, if possible, to describe complex emotions or phenomena.
Fortunately, I am not alone in this quest.
There are several reddit pages, blogs and crowdsourced efforts on the interweb dedicated to understanding the nuances and complexities of emotions and how that has/can become the English language.
Some argue that we will always have emotions that are familiar, but there are simply no words to describe them.
Others argue that there are words in other languages that could convey a specific, layered meaning, but they simply do not translate well. And because language is so contextually understood, it will always be read and perceived differently.
Happily, I have also stumbled upon a wonderful book that has come about called ‘The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows’ by John Koenig. This book is the result of 12 years of Tumblr, then a YouTube channel, and now an actual book of a remarkable effort to “create beautiful new words that we need but do not yet have.”
If you have not heard of this dictionary or endeavour, I would highly recommend it!
And as for that emotion?
Well, there are a couple of words that are somewhat close to describing it.
A caveat here - I genuinely believe none of the words listed below are conclusive to whatever that emotion was – but they are all a step in the right direction.
A shout out to my friend Raghav, a self-confessed logophile, for lending me his ears (and insight!), when attempting to wrap my head around all these ideas.
Perhaps stumbling into typography, has me experiencing a true sense of epistemophilia?
epistemophilia – noun. plural.
-a love for knowledge.
-excessive striving for or preoccupation with knowledge
Or it veered into an etymological probe of the word – amateur.
The dictionary today describes an amateur as -
“a person who engages in a pursuit on an unpaid, rather than a professional basis.”
Colloquially, it has also come imply someone who is inept at something.
But the word is rooted in the Latin word ‘amare’ which is ‘to love’ and an ‘amatore’ or ‘amateur’, was someone who pursued a calling purely out of a love for it.
Finally, it could also be, that I am just a nerd. Be it Harry Potter, chai or typography - embracing my inner-nerd and unveiling her to the outer world was long overdue anyway.
So now, whether it is all about becoming ‘Crazy Font Lady’ or the numerous puns that are there – am the nerdy type about Type, a Type-Nerd who is now a ‘stereoTypical’ nerd if you may!
Perhaps all that, was an experience of the unfettered bliss of being a nerd, unapologetically.
REFERENCES:
TEDx Talks. (2016, April 19). The power of typography | Mia Cinelli | TEDxUofM [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_RzDqgGcao
Definition of epistemophilia. (2023). In Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/epistemophilia
Definition of amateur. (2023). In Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/amateur
The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. (n.d.). Tumblr. https://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com/
Thank you for reading!
Am so excited to be back at this!
This unexpected train of thought has all been rather serendipitous and mirrors my life-as-I-know-it. It definitely sets a tone on the kind of wonderings and observations you can expect in the months to come.
And, if anyone knows this feeling - the indescribable emotion that I am talking about - and has a better word for it, then please share it with me via the comments below.
In fact, I would love to hear if there is any other emotion or phenomenon that is experiential and familiar to you, that you still do not have a word for!
As always, am eager to hear your thoughts on this one. Feel free to be as candid as you like in the comments. ALL feedback, including constructive criticism is most welcome!
And, PLEASE hit that tiny HEART ❤️ button if this essay resonated with you, and be sure to SUBSCRIBE for an essay every 15th day of the month!
Have been reading some of your blogs for the past two days. For what i have read so far, I understood that you reflect most of my inner feelings which i thought belonged only to me and nobody else thought like me. Growing up I was almost alone in perceiving and expressing every single thing in a different unconventional way because others found it strange and abnormal for standing out in mindset, thoughts and feelings. I always kept my feelings and opinions to myself for fear of judgement. But you make me feel seen and worthy through your blogs. Thank you so much. What makes me even more elated is that I am also an aspiring writer and on my…
After a long long time, perused words from my dear writer. And no sooner had I finished than I realised, how much I’d been missing words of yours…thanks for resuming this blog Chiteisri…hope you’ve been doing great.
And belated happy birthday to your mom and to you ( I don’t know how come I’ve forgotten your birthday on 15th July).
On a different note, I find resonance with this tendency; once I am drawn to something, I get completely immersed. So I exactly know the feeling, and didn’t know the word ( it never struck me though).
Warmly,
Suchismita
I just finished reading your blog post .I also wanted to commend you on your writing style. Your clear and concise language made it easy to follow .Thanks for sharing ....Looking forward to reading many more .....
A total fun read and very well-written! Fonteshwari was the most creative part of the piece 😅😅
Enjoyed reading your essay. Life has to go on & I am so glad that you are going on so well.
I look forward for your next article. 😊