Seven for Love - redefined!

A listicle that defines the seven kinds of Love, still welcome, for the 30-something, lone millennial that I am!

Last month, I wrote an essay about rewriting the Magpie Rhyme for myself and was pleasantly surprised at how well that was received by some of you…

Echoing that train of thought – here, I am rewriting a definition of Love for myself. This is how 30-something, lone me seeks Love in the present – a paradigm of love and joy beyond the heteronormative construct.

The precise moment when I began thinking up answers to the prompt "Love is..."

(Some of you might recollect some snippets of this text in a letter that I wrote to my subscribers on Valentine’s Day. Those were raw and unfiltered thoughts written on that very morning. Since then, I have had some time to think them over and a whirlwind of life-experience that cements my belief system that following kinds of love, will be the only romance that I proactively seek!)

1. Love is a song

Music and lyrics carries with it many layered meanings, some personal and some obvious to everyone else, but you. I love how oftentimes a particular song carries with it a specific memory. And in that moment, one can travel back in time to the first time they ever heard it.

Recently, I travelled back and forth from Kathgodam Railway station to a village called Tripuradevi in Pithoragarh district, Uttarakhand. That is a seven hour car journey in the Shivaliks (the lower Himalayas). The private taxicab that was arranged for me was with a driver named Mahender – and over the course of four journeys, he is now a cherished acquaintance.

How and why, you might ask? Because moments into our first journey, back in July, he politely informed me that his music was a thumb drive filled with old Hindi melodies of the likes of Kishore Kumar, Mohammed Rafi, Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Bhosle. These four being his favourite singers, insisting that he cannot choose one 'between these legends.’ He also added that “unfortunately, he did not have any modern day Bollywood songs,” to which I gleefully reassured him that “mujhe bhi puraane gaane hi pasand hai!” (Translation: I also prefer the old Hindi songs!)

It was July and the monsoons were descending… misty roads, lush greenery, a careful driver and first song that played was the 1969 original song – Roop tera mastana …. it was all too perfect! So I happily informed him that this particular song happens to be one of my all-time favourites. The rest of the journey remained pleasant and melodious. Three days later, the journey back was equally so.

I visited Uttarakhand again a month later and enjoyed a busy month volunteering with an NGO and cooperative called Avani in Tripuradevi. Cut to the end of September and I was now on my way back from Tripuradevi to Kathgodam railway station – a long return to the plains and back home.

Mahender-ji arrived to pick me up and as he turned on the car stereo system, to my utter delight - the opening chords of the song began. He looked through the interior rear-view mirror and said with a smile – “Madam, yeh aapka favourite gaana!” (Translation: Madam – this is your favourite song!)

I was so touched that he remembered my passing remark after two months, and needless to add that another seven-hour journey simply flew by in a jolly mood.

Music, the memories it creates, and how it can transform or uplift any mood in an instant is Love.

2. Love is a text message, that has full sentences and proper punctuation.

Back in July, I had the opportunity to reconnect with a friend from my past. Call it a literal ‘blast from the past’ because we were friends back when I was six years old and he was seven! Back then, we were inseparable as neighbours and serious study buddies.

(Something which 'adult' me finds rather ironic and hilarious, considering we were just kids whose lives should have been all about laughter and play at that tender age. But we belonged to a school that is reputed to drive its children to academic insanity.)

It had been well over two decades since I had actually spoken to him and I was well aware of how much had changed –geographies, contexts, relationship statuses, perhaps even all those shared hobbies and interests. I was still keen on reconnecting with an individual who now might be a complete stranger, but in hope that he still is that dear friend from all my fond memories.

So I sent a very brief text message to say hello, and that this was my number to save. About an hour later, when I received a message back – I instantly knew that he was going to be exactly whom I had hoped, and any awkwardness or anxiety of us being ‘adults’ now, would not matter.

Because that diminutive text message was a full sentence, with proper punctuation! It suddenly meant everything to me, in this hyper-digital world of acronyms, memes, no grammar, no spelling and a lot of chat speak.

As someone whose life and work has revolved around words, and their ability to convey meaning – to receive actual words and fully thought out sentences in the age of GIFs and emojis is incredibly heart-warming!

It was an epiphany that I am an old soul, and when I find another old soul, it is a match made in heaven!

3. Love is a book

One that has been annotated, with pencil-marked pages, dog-eared, rebound or sellotaped, with some hidden receipts and chocolate wrappers that doubled up as bookmarks. All my books that have been much-loved and revisited each year. 2022 has been a year where I have learned to slowly and steadily read from the pages of a physical book again!

And the joys of reading – when time, place and context just melt away – are just unparalleled.

4. Love is your faithful four-legged companions

Be it dogs, cats or ungulates – I have come to realise that animals have a way of making you believe that love is simple. My endless scrolling on Pinterest once landed me on a remarkable quote that couldn’t have expressed it better:

“Animals have come to mean so much in our lives. We live in a fragmented and disconnected culture. Politics are ugly, religion is struggling, technology is stressful, and the economy is unfortunate. What’s one thing that we have in our lives that we can depend on? A dog or a cat loving us unconditionally, every day, very faithfully.”

– Jon Katz

5. Love is slow travel

Or the moment when you feel at home in an unfamiliar place, because you get a spare minute to journal your thoughts, live in that very moment or sketch all the sights around you!

During a recent train journey, there was a moment when I experienced what felt like the same tingly ecstasy that one believes when they emphatically declare to no one in particular “I am in Love!”

I was aboard the New Delhi – Kathgodam Shatabdi Express (Train no. 12040), completely absorbed in the book that I am currently reading called Desperately Seeking Shah Rukh by Shrayana Bhattacharya. By the window – fields, rivers, railway crossings and many stations whizzed by. Inside the chair car compartment, there was a particularly cacophonous toddler who decided that screeching out loud every three minutes was how he would spend his train journey.

So, I took out my ear-pods and choose a random Spotify playlist in hope of drowning out that toddler’s dulcet tones, and continued reading. The paragraph that I happened to be reading was referencing Shah Rukh Khan’s stellar role in the movie, Swades and it mentioned –

“Life can often be described as the distance we travel between the people we are and the people we want to be.”

And suddenly, my playlist chose to play the song Yun hi chala, chal rahi – a song about journeys’ and time, and it was exactly the song the author was referring to! I was awestruck by the sheer coincidence of it all and took it as sign from the universe that I am exactly where I am meant to be!

Slow travel is love; whether in terms of literally allowing more time for the journey, or immersing yourself in the rhythms and visceral experience of travel, and love is my new motto for all future travel.

6. Love is prioritising mental and physical health and well-being, above all else.

I love that ‘red flag’ ‘work-life balance’ and ‘therapy’ are now a part of my vocabulary. Seemingly, it has seeped into the lingo of several millennials around me, and I am grateful that there is a generation around me that can understand some of the more difficult choices I have had to make.

More conversations around mental health, whether due to a trend, or by default of necessity of the crazy times we live in, is always welcome. And alongside, my mental health – becoming physically fitter is my foremost expression of self-love.

For many years, I accepted my lack of interest in sport to be an indicator for my disinterest in any physical activity. That outlook changed when I embraced Yoga and made it a part of my life. Suddenly my physical well-being is all about movement and flexibility, Once I realised that exercise need not be loud or competitive, it made all the difference in the world!

7. Last, but nowhere in the least - Love is Mother Nature … in all her splendour.

I have spoken about this more elaborately in a previous essay – but something about my 30s has been all about reclaiming my first love – for Mother Nature and our magnificent planet. And it is in all the little but monumental things found in Nature that awaken a sense of romance in me.

E.g. Petrichor - That rare, unique aroma of fresh rain as it drops onto the parched ground. Every year, every season, even post that random, erratic thunderstorm – the magic is always there.

Or the gurgling of freshwater of streams and tiny rivulets. Did you know that the mystical sound and effect it creates actually has a name? It is called deamflum – the dreamy, calm-like state experienced while listening to a natural waterfall.

Or how Henri Matisse once famously said – “There are always flowers for those who want to see them.” It is only in my 30s that I have started to “unsee” plant blindness and start cataloguing the names of a lot floral blooms instead. I believe that this is a phenomenon and habit I have embraced which my late Aaboo would be the most proud.

And there is no greater reminder that Love is a romance that can finally be directed back only unto Mother Nature herself.

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Thank you for reading!

Does Love mean something else to you?

You know what, am sure it does - so do let me know what that is in the comments below!

I will be eagerly awaiting to see if you agree or disagree or wish to add something to my carefully curated list above!

ALL feedback, including constructive criticism is most welcome. And, PLEASE hit that tiny HEART ❤️ button if this essay resonated with you, and be sure to SUBSCRIBE for an essay every 15th day of the month!